The Thanksgiving Retreat - Part 6

 When I rolled out of bed, I immediately headed for the shower. I didn’t even turn the dial that high as I longed for a cold shower after the uh workout from last night. I sighed, happy to have a break from the craziness. I stood there letting the water flow down my naked bare skin, eyes closed, getting lost in the moment. I didn’t even notice Rae until she wrapped her arms around me. “Mmm,” she sighed. “You’re hot.”

“Don’t you mean cold?”  I mumbled.

“Nah, I mean hot,” Rae said as she kissed the back of my neck. “Even with the cold water, you’re still hot.”

I felt Rae’s hands moving up and down my body and I smiled. I turned around and kissed Rae as the water poured on our bodies. “I can’t believe how much I’ve changed in just a few days. Just a few days ago, I said I was scared, and I was,” I said. “But now... after everything... I dunno. I feel different. I feel stronger in a way.”

Rachel massaged my back. “I know,” she said. “I’ve noticed a change in your character a lot. Just a few days ago you were so shy and nervous, but now... now you’re so brave and daring.”

“I guess it helps when we’re so far out from the real world,” I said. “It feels... freeing. There’s no pressure, no worries, not really anyways. And I love it. Even if it’s embarrassing, I still...”

I frowned as I kept thinking. “Hey, are you okay?” Rae asked.

I felt my body collapse and my knees gave in. Rachel caught me and held me in her arms. “I... I don’t know...” I said. “I... I just... thought of my mom. I’m sorry. I ruined the moment.”

“Hey, hey stay with me,” Rachel said, shutting the shower off. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I... I just got overwhelmed,” I said. “I’m fine, really. I just... Rachel, am I a bad person for feeling this way? For being this way when my mom, she just... it’s been 5 months. But I just... feel guilty.”

“Hey, you’re allowed to move on, Chloe,” Rachel said. “You’re allowed to feel happy and to be happy. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“But I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling what I’m feeling. I just lost my mom and here we are fucking around like it’s nothing,” I cried. 

“They call it a retreat for a reason,” Rae said. “You’re meant to work on moving forward and you’re not guilty for feeling... happy. It’s been 5 months, Chloe. You’re allowed to move on.”

“I guess you’re right,” I sighed, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, we were just having fun and I ruined it.”

“No, don’t say that,” Rae said, “it’s okay. Maybe you should talk to your sister about this. It’s not good to hold these feelings back. You should just enjoy yourself, but you should also talk to your sister about how you feel. Maybe she feels the same way.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Rachel helped me dry off and I went and got dressed. I walked over to my sister’s room and knocked on the door. “Come in,” I heard my sister on call out.

I opened the door slowly and saw Kira lying on the bed. “Hey, Kira,” I said softly. “I... I need to talk to you.”

Kira looked at me and probably saw I was being serious. She patted the spot next to her and said. “Come here, baby sis.”

I climbed into the bed next to her and before I could even speak, I felt myself break down crying. Kira wrapped her arms around me as I cried. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “W-we were just having fun and I...I’m a mess. I’m ruining this trip.”

“Hey, hey there baby sis, you’re not ruining this trip. If anything you’ve made it so much better,” Kira said. “Let’s be honest we have been needing the escape for a bit now. The purpose of this trip was to help you feel better.”

“I...I’m sorry,” I cried. “I just... I miss mom. I think I’ve been bottling it a bit, not talking about it because I’ve been having fun and everything, but I feel deep down, that’s how I feel.”

“Oh, Chloe,” Kira said. “I didn’t realize you felt that way. I’ve been missing mom too, but I’ve been using this time to really reflect and allow myself to be lost during these days. But Chloe, you shouldn’t be pushing down these feelings if that’s how you feel. It’s okay to miss mom.”

I didn’t respond as I squeezed Kira tightly and she squeezed back. “I’m sorry. We were just having fun and I... I...”

“It’s okay, Chloe,” Kira said. “This was why we did this in the first place. To help just let loose our emotions whatever they are. It’s okay to feel sad, Chloe. We just lost our mom and our grandfather in the last year. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t upset in some way.”

“Am I bad person if I feel... happy? These past few days have just been... so different,” I whispered. “I’ve been embarrassed and humiliated, and yet I feel... excited and happy. But now I’m an emotional wreck.”

“First of all, you’re not a bad person for your emotions,” Kira said. “As for the embarrassed yet excited thing. I think it’s normal for things to not be so straightforward. I think people feel like they can only feel one emotion at a time, but that’s not the case at all. So being an ‘emotional wreck’ as you put it, is normal.”

I nodded and sighed taking deep breaths. “Thank you, Kira. For everything. These past few days have been everything I’ve been needing. And I hope that the rest of the month can continue to do just that.”

“Of course, baby sis,” Kira said. “By the way, I know at the beginning you were nervous about the whole Rae situation. But to me at least, it sounds like something else is happening. Care to fill me in?”

I blushed. “I... um... we... I don’t know what we’re doing,” I said. “I guess we’re doing something. I mean... we’ve had moments together... but I don’t know if we’re technically together. But I mean... I really have been enjoying my time with her.”

Kira stared at me. “Chloe are you telling me, despite me hearing you guys clearly fucking each other, you don’t know if you’re dating?” 

“Uh, well technically, I mean she said we were, but we never put labels,” I stammered.

“Did you ask her out?” Kira asked.

“Yeah, I mean sort of. I said let’s date,” I said.

“And did she say yes?” Kira asked.

“Y-yeah,” I said.

“Then why don’t you know if you’re dating? Isn’t that pretty clear?” Kira asked.

“I guess,” I said. “I just have never done this before. I mean, technically, we haven’t gone on a date yet.”

“I mean technically this is just a really long date,” Kira said. “But I don’t think it matters, you goof. You two are dating if you asked and she said yes. I don’t know why there’s confusion especially when I can hear you from down the hall.”

I blushed and shrugged my shoulders. “Fine, we’re dating,” I said. 

“If you need to talk, you always can,” Kira said. “Please. I don’t want you holding back your feelings just because you’re afraid of ruining the fun. Because believe me, you’re doing anything but ruining the fun. I think everyone’s enjoying these antics. I mean, I haven’t heard any complaints from anyone. It’s okay to feel sad or happy or excited or whatever, it’s what makes you human.”

I nodded and smiled. “Thank you,” I said. “I feel a lot better now.”

I got up from the bed and headed downstairs. Rae was sitting on the couch and everyone else was lounging around. I walked up to Rae, pulled her to her feet and kissed her passionately, pulling her close to me. She kissed me back, wrapping her arms around my neck while I wrapped my arms around her waist as she responded just as passionately and everyone cheered.  “Wow , that was hot,” Rae whispered when we pulled away from each other.

“I’m feeling a lot better,” I whispered.

“Good, I’m glad,” Rae whispered back. 

The rest of the day was a bit uneventful as we all relaxed. Rae and I snuggled underneath a blanket while Kira put on The Conjuring.

Joanne, Tara, Michael, and Quinn all hid in fear while we all laughed. The movie didn’t bother me at all. Though I’m pretty sure Kira almost wet herself a few times with how much she jumped and screamed. Rae and I had a blast though. 

It was good to unwind and just have a break from the craziness. And we definitely needed the break before it got even crazier.